It's me O Lord (a.k.a. Open letter to the Greatest One)

Like the old-timers sing, it's me, it's me O Lord, standing in the needst of prayer - because frankly I can't see any other viable solution.

The Word says if I consider sin in my heart, you will not answer me.* So Dad, please forgive me all my sins. Yes, all of it. Yes, I committed every one. No, I can't list them one by one because they are not blessings and as the Cardinal said in the film "The Pope must die", if I start, we will be here all day. Yes Lord, I know you have all eternity - but I don't. So please, you know my every thought, my every action, my every sin, please forgive and forget all.

Lord, I need help to turn my life around. I can't be sure because I am living only this one life, but I suspect that like many before me, I started searching for the solution from the wrong place. Lord, it's time I hand the short end of the stick back to life, but I need your help to do so. I have tried ever so hard, but life has refused to let go the other end of the stick. Lord, I need you to pull with me at my end if I am to have any chance of success.

Lord, I have thought hard, and have finally come to the conclusion that life didn't just deal me a bad hand, rather I was the one that got on the wrong queue - the queue with the not so successful. I don't know exactly when or how it happened, but here I am on the wrong queue being short-served and short-changed at every turn. Lord, I want to jump the queue, not to move ahead on the same queue - but to cross over to the other queue. The problem Lord, is that life's got so many guards watching, deterring, and hindering movements to the better queue. On the other hand, I noticed people are allowed to join my present queue from the other queue - it seems movement is discouraged only in one direction.

Lord, I don't understand it; but some of the guards are my bosom friends; close relations; "friendly" acquaintances; people claiming to be genuinely helping me by preventing me from leaving this queue; hostile people whom I don't even know - so why are they hostile Lord? Then there are my own shadows, ghosts and skeletons. Lord, the weight is too much, it's as if they are alive, the way they press down to make me almost immobile. But that can't be Lord, or can it? They can't truly be alive, can they? Since they are born of the imperfections of my mind? Lord help me.

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It's me, it's me O Lord, standing in the needst of prayer. Lord, I can't stand this much longer - something is going to give sooner or later. If you don't help me Lord, then your guess is as good as mine what that would be - give I mean.

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Lord, my heart is full and it seems I am rambling. You said it long ago Lord - "out of the fullness of the heart ..." Lord, reading your Word is like a burden now, but it shouldn't be - I literarily envy others that seem to thrive on it - what am I to do Lord. I can hardly pray these days. Prayer may be the master key Lord, but I can't seem to get a firm grasp on it, how much more unlock the doors of success? Lord hold my hand please. I am beginning to wonder if I have ever heard from you. May be, that's not the correct expression. What I should probably say, is that I have never listened to the still-small-voice, carried on the wind; in the quiet places; in the restfulness of early evening; or after a refreshing rain. I have been too busy doing nothing Lord; I have been enjoying my own voice so much, that I have blocked out yours. It is pride Lord, nothing but pride, and like the evil one said in the "Devil's Advocate" - it gets them every time. Set me free Lord. Let me receive thy truth.

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It's me Lord, it's me standing in the needst of prayer. Me first (selfish as ever) and the rest of my family. Lord "you know", "you know" as my Pastor says, you know Lord. You know where the shoe hurts Lord, you know. Give me peace O Lord. Set my mind free O Lord.

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Then there is the girl's case Lord. Did you have a hand in it Lord? Or may be I am getting it wrong - did you not lend a hand at the time Lord? Maybe it's the right thing to happen Lord - I haven't even lit the fire not to talk of setting the table, and I am already inviting someone to dinner! It seems I am digressing Lord. Please help me ...

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It's me Lord, it's me standing in the needst of prayer. Answer me O Lord, answer with power. Let me know thy peace. Thank you Lord. I was kneeling down in prayer before O Lord, but it seems I must have been dozing while you passed by O gentle saviour; I was too far gone to make any sort of prayer - humble or otherwise. So now I am standing Lord, because like the popular Yoruba song goes, "the song of salvation is not one to be sung on one's knees" O Lord. One should be ready to dive and grab at your robe's folds if needs be, and one can only go so far from one's knees, so Lord please, save me. Thank you Lord. Thank you. It's me Lord, it's me standing in the needst of prayer.  

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Finis.

11pm, 24-November-2004

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