Knights in Shinning Armour
While it is not a fact, the shining-armour thingie probably went out with Conan or is it King Arthur?.
You dont want a knight riding up to your village with his armour so shiny it
the reflection sets all the hay you have laboured all year round to plant and
The whole damsel in distress thingie went out around the same time too.
As I have said before (don't ask me when), an ass-kicking martial-art fighting
lady such as Lucy Liu is the in-thing now (what a man can do ... remember Red Sonya)
If you as the knight are unlucky, after risking your life in order to rescue the D from the D
(damsel from the dragon ) all you get is an ungrateful Raspunsel and a grudge-bearing dragon
(worse than an elephant pound for pound). On top of all that, you get charged with treason for going off in
search of one lady when you should have been fighting the barbarians hordes
from the north threatening to take over the kingdom. By the way, why are
barbarian hordes always from the north (or is it from the east?)
More bad luck can come your way if you have got a lecherous old king as the
ruler of your town; one that wouldn't think anything of wooing a girl young
enough to be his grand-daughter. Or worse still, the king has a randy son who
on site-ing the princess is already asking his father for your head on a silver platter.
Charges such as treason may be brought against you - you were off rescuing a damsel
while the kings army (of which you are supposed to be a member) was trying to ward
off the attack of the barbarians from the north (yes, same set of barbarians - those pesky
Remember the 2 leading ladies in "crouching tiger, flying eagle" (or is it
chilling tiger, hunting eagle?) Now those are real 21st century lady.
You've got Condeliza rice, Marhogaret Thatcher, Lucy Liu (what's that Asian
lady that's always under house arrest's name again). Uma Thurman ain't bad
either ("spoilt English girl playing with Samurai Sword")
And why wear all that armour - compensating for deficiencies in some quarters.
(think the king in the movie Shrek)
If you are really good (then see Tom Cruise in his epic mis-portrayal of
the Last Knight. The truth is that the Japanese were trained by Europeans
during that period and there was not a single American among them. Fine film
Don't be fazed by a couple of flying arrows when you can dodge a million of
them (Jet Li in Heroes) while chatting about mundane matters with your
heartthrob (just joking). The killer can shoot bullets like a million
without reloading. I was reliably informed that he had an invisible gun-belt
supplied directly from the stores of Monkey King - the most indestructible
human or human-monkey or homo habilis? right after Arnold that is.
I have always admired Arnold - body like it was carved by the Gods
(just like my pal Allen), married into the Kenedy family, made a name for himself
(please don't mention Hercules in New York!) in hollywood.
How lucky can a man I get I ask (ok he made his own luck)
I can go on and on but I don't want to bore you.
And to end this piece I will mention something that is fast becoming my
by-line "good food can kill" There is indeed a million ways to die
and man invents one every few minutes. The latest fad in self-annihilation
is "suicide by food" (or suicide by fries?). All the TFCs and KFCs and
burgers we are consuming these days is killing us slowly, softly, steadily
Heart attacks are appearing in houses in the neighborhood so get out there
and exercise. Remember to eat your vegetables - it might just prolong your
life. And if you or anyone in your family is overweight - get a treadmill
and tie the unrepentant food-gobbler to the damn thing. You may just escape
being stuck with a pair of barbeque meat prongs, but remember your reward
is somewhere else.
Signing off now.
Watch that tummy now! It's growth rate is inversely proportional to your state of health.